Elliot Rodger, 'Friend-zoning' & The Dark Side Of Misyongistic Behaviour

[Trigger Warning: sexual abuse and rape]

I wish I was coming back to this blog with a 'lighter toned' feminist topic, but I'm not gonna lie the news of a young man from California gunning down six innocent people and injuring a good deal more in premeditated murder spree, all in the name of 'punishment' of the women who turned him down over the years completely shook me.

Whilst the news reports prefer to concentrate on Elliot Rodger's clear mental heath problems and the frankly disgustingly lax gun laws in the US, there's a deeper rooted problem that has been made appallingly clear in the online comments of the video and around Twitter. The problem, seen below in the photo, is the sickening support of what Rodgers reveals to be his motive for driving towards the women's sorority house on the night of the shooting.

*image credit to @laurenedensor_

'Friend-zoning', as seen in the first comment, is defined by Urban Dictionary as "What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you're attracted to." Once a joke term and romanticised by Hollywood movies, music and TV shows, it's now become a dangerous way of thinking about women - as yes it is mostly directed to women, let's not get into how women are portrayed when 'friend-zoning' is flipped (another topic for another day!).

Issues surrounding male entitlement to women's bodies is not a new one and the fact that such a tragic act of violence had to inspire conversations surrounding this incredibly important topic is heartbreaking. But what the comments above have unwittingly demonstrated is the fact that Rodger's way of thinking about women is not an isolated incident and that this is still a widespread problem. 

I couldn't count the amount of times I've heard men complain about the friend-zone over the years. And whilst I understand not all men make the sadistic jump to Rodger's mental state on the night of the shootings, the whole idea of a woman 'owing' sexual favours or partaking in a relationship with a man because the guy was 'really nice to them' or because 'they're the good guy' is a horrendously archaic and damaging way of thinking. And the fact that this mindset is the 'norm' in our society, that men should just rape the women they 'can't get' and that so many 'feel bad' for Rodger is terrifying. 

In addition to this, to say that these women deserved what they got for apparently 'rejecting a good guy' is not just an attack against everything feminism fights for but completely dehumanises the victims, both the intended and innocent bystanders, to mere objects.

None of these people deserved to die. None of these women owed anything to Rodger. And no woman (or human being for that matter) should ever feel they are obliged to hand their body or their lives over to a man, because he was 'the nice guy' or because society thinks that 'he deserves a break'. 

If you want to join in the conversation surrounding this topic, the #YesAllWomen hashtag has sprung up over Twitter and Time and the BBC have also posted about the campaign.